I give you all fair warning- if you don't want to read a long wall of angry text, leave now. I'm going to say a lot of things that may bother people, but I'm sick of keeping my mouth shut and suffering in silence.


There once was a young girl who never had friends. She was shy and lonely, but for a long time she never noticed because she never had people around to contrast against her personal loneliness. This girl never learned how to handle social situations the way other kids probably did- why? Because she avoided them. She stuck her nose in books and her hand in her pockets, eyes cast down at her feet. She learned a lot of things about people, but very little of practical value. This girl grew into a socially-outcast teenager. This teenager finally found some friends who seemed to like her on the surface, and she never wondered what they really thought of her. For a while that is. But slowly one by one these friends began to leave- to drop like leaves from a dying tree. At first it was just one, then two, then several at a time. She wondered what she did wrong. Maybe she had done nothing, but nothing is a good as anything. She tried to retreat back into her solitary state, but she could not, because she was not all there anymore. I don't mean wrong in the head, but there were pieces of her missing- pieces that she gave to people who never gave them back. This girl opened the locked vault of her heart to a group of people she'd never met in person and let them in and because of that she will never be the same. And yet these friends dropped like leaves at the first- or possibly last- signs of storm. Leaving her to weather them alone.

Dramatic readings aside- this is how I feel.

Almost all of this story is based on truth, up til the end anyway. I'm not sure what the end is going to be yet, since I haven't reached the end.

Anyway, a few of the close friends I've made here on dA have left- some for a short while, some for an undetermined about of time, some even forever. I might be very selfish for not wanting them to leave- whatever their reasons- but I'm not used to letting people close to me the way I have some of you- and you know who you are- and letting you go hurts. I'm not used to this level of emotional pain. Ya'll have changed me, a lot for the better, and we've had some amazing times together. I don't know why we all are falling apart now of all times.

I don't know personal stories, and I frankly don't care to know everything, but what I do know is that without you guys I'm hardly even a shadow of who I could be. When you guys leave and say you're not coming back, I cry. I cried when Hannah left, I'm going to cry now that Mitch has said he's left.

Don't feel like I'm guilting you into staying either, cuz I'm not. I'm telling you cold, hard facts. I don't cry often, but when I lose friends, I cry, because unlike losing a loved one to death, a lost friend is someone you never get back. At least in my experience.



I guess if any of you are going to leave, you better leave now while I have tears to shed because one day I'm not going to cry anymore. I know that. Because one day there's going to be no one left to cry for.